Sunday, 16 May 2010

And thats when the trouble started!

Bring, Bring went the telephone, then again, and again, Bring, Bring
The CEO, who really isn't a morning person, awoke from her slumbers aware that her Sunday morning lie in had been cut short, annoyed as this was one of her few pleasures in life and that no good waster "Half Done" hadn't got the phone before she was disturbed. Its 9:30, she was expecting tea, papers and the offer of breakfast at 11ish. Every Sunday its the same, she has a lie in, he gets the papers and at the appropriate time makes her tea and offers to cook breakfast. Tea is accepted, cooked breakfast refused. "Half Done" never half does scrambled egg, he makes rubber.
Bring, Bring. Bring, Bring.
She pulled her self from her covers and stumbled over to the phone. The conversation went something like this.
"Hello, this is the Fire and Rescue Service"
"Yes, its about your house fire"
"What? House fire?"
"The fire that we just got a call about"
"We are on fire?"
"We just got a call saying that your property was on fire"
"Is it? I didn't know"
"Oh! That is World Egg Throwing HQ isn't it?"
"In Swaton?"
"We had a call from a man saying that the house was on fire"

As she hears this the CEO opens the bedroom door onto the landing and smells smoke.
"I can smell it"
"He told us it was out. Can we speak with him?"

The CEO is acutely aware that "Half Done" has previous for claiming a job was finished when in fact its not. Somewhat concerned she hot foots it in search of the cause of the smoke she can smell and the person, no doubt, responsible for it.

Whilst doing this, she is still talking with the nice lady from the Fire Service and is informed that they had got a call some time earlier that said there had been a fire in the boiler, it was out, it was just being reported in case of insurance claims. They just wanted a few more details of the cause.

The CEO is well trained in fire safety. She knows that in case of fire you are meant to raise the alarm, make sure everyone gets out, call the fire brigade and only tackle the fire if safe to do so. She also knows that "Half Done" knows that he's meant to do this too. Where is he?

The smell gets stronger as she approaches the canteen and upon entering she finds the windows and outside doors open. The dogs and cats are in the garden but there is no sign of "Half Done".

She confirms with the Con Op that there is no sign of fire but she can smell it. "He's not here, I'll get him to call you back."

Not in the best of moods she stomps around the grounds calling for him. Not a sign to be had. She rings his mobile phone.

"Where are you?"
"I'm getting the Sunday papers"
"The Fire Brigade have called"
"Oh, they didn't send a fire engine did they"
"No, they rang, they want to talk with you"
"Oh, good, I didn't want a fire engine"
"You didn't wake me to tell me the house was on fire"
"I didn't want to worry you"

And that's when the trouble started.

Post script. The WETF HQ is a long, very high ceiling, barn conversion. It is fitted with appropriate smoke or heat detectors in each room and circulation space. The fire was in the 14 month old oil boiler that is outside the property. "Half Done" noticed the smoke before it set off the detection, as it peculated through the service duct. He isolated the boiler, made sure it was out, ventilated the fumes, organised a repair man, rang Fire Brigade to report and get an incident number. Debbie from the Fire Service was wonderful and dealt with the CEO perfectly.


  1. I didn't realise the CEO stomped, I thought that she had a look that could shrivel Odd Job at 50 paces and makes a very effective disguntled sound and all who hears cower in their boots. So I now presume the peat bog down the fen now been filled!!

  2. Not yet, but a path has been prepared.
    Boiler repaired at 0830 this morning. Fine service from manufacturers, aprt from fault that is) who explained faulty jet thingy caused sooting, which then ignited. CEO is now warm, thats always a good thing.